Strategies for Transitioning from One Baby to Two
As if having one baby wasn’t hard enough, you decided to have a second. There are a lot of changes that come with this addition both from an emotional and a practical perspective.
Here we help you appreciate what changes are to come and how to best manage them.
First, it is important to recognize the identity shift that comes with the day-to-day juggling act:
No longer is it easy to find time to shower or complete other basic tasks
If possible, you will be more tired than first time around, since napping when the baby naps is no longer an option.
Multi-tasking will be a term taken to the extreme as you learn to care for the needs of children at very different paces.
There is only one of you and you need to realize your limits. It’s a learning process.
Now for the emotional changes:
It is normal to mourn the ‘loss of two’ – it has been you and your first baby until now and introducing a new baby changes the dynamic. If you are wondering how you will ever love your 2nd as much as your first, you’re not alone! And don’t worry – you will.
Coming to the understanding that your 2nd or 3rd will not be the ‘same kid’ and that strategies that worked with the first may not work this time around.
You will need to become comfortable with the unknown again – even though you may have been through the newborn phase before, you haven’t yet been through it with a sibling.
Practically speaking, there are several ways to approach the new world order in your house.
As a family, you will be learning as you go. As is always the case with children, routine is the key! It may take some time to find your groove, but you’ll get there. Here are some strategies to try:
Divide and conquer: each adult takes a child (maybe doing two separate routines)
Teamwork: adults work together to take care of kids (engaging in one activity together)
Riding Solo: one adult is with kids. This is helpful when one adult needs a break to recharge or accomplish a task that is difficult to do with children.
Swap n change: when you’re home with children during the day and partner comes home, your partner takes charge of children while you complete anything outstanding from the day. This gives you both the evening together.
The new baby will typically follow the schedule of your older children for naps, bedtime, school, and any activities. Remember that the baby will sleep for most of the day in the beginning and can be transported anywhere easily. Before baby arrives assess your current schedule and edit it accordingly (where possible) if you think it will be too stressful getting everyone out the door for activities. It can sometimes be helpful to scale back older children’s commitments in those early months (or organize carpools).
Toddlers stop for no man (or woman) so you will need systems in place to help manage the chaos. Below are some stress-reducing tips that will help you multitask and keep on track!
Invest in a Baby Carrier: Get yourself a comfortable baby carrier and wear your baby around the house so you can look after your toddler.
Shift to Online Ordering Wherever Possible: Do your food shopping online and utilize a weekly meal planning menu – although this may seem time consuming in the beginning, it will save you time and stress!
Create a Family Google Calendar: Staying organized will help manage your new normal, that is a schedule that’s now not only filled with work related events, but also your baby’s appointments and family activities. The ability to share with multiple people will help both you and your partner stay on track.
Create Checklists to Combat Baby Brain (which is a medically-proven ‘thing’!) When you think of something you need to do, write it down then and there so you don’t forget.
Amend Your Routines: For example, start your evening routine slightly earlier to allow for the needs of two (reading to your toddler while feeding baby)
Access your Village: Accept help from friends, family, hired help, car pool and delegate roles to your partner and even your toddler to help them feel involved (can you get mommy a diaper?)
Some find the transition to two more anxiety-producing than the first time around (I know I did!) but by recognizing that what you are feeling is normal and utilizing these tools you will be well on your way to thriving with your growing family. Also key in all of this is remembering that these slightly stressful phases are temporary!
Jessica is the Founder of The Parent Collective (TPC), which offers a new approach to prenatal classes which helps couples establish friendships among couples who live local to one another and are due at the same time all while skipping the judgments and agendas of other classes. Inspired by the NCT of the UK, TPC is an alternative to other childbirth education classes which lend themselves to a more intensive, one-and-done model and we hope that couples taking a TPC series will cultivate a social network through weekly participation, forge a robust prenatal/parental support system and of course, gather playmates for the little ones on the way. To learn more visit: www.theparentcollective.com
