Tips For Surviving a Return To Work After Baby
Are you overwhelmed by the prospect of a return to work after baby? Here are 4 tips for seeing the light at the end of the tunnel.
I am equal parts in awe of and angry for moms who recently gave birth and are planning a return to the office. While you are trying to bond with your baby, learn how to keep them alive, navigate your new normal, almost immediately you are also forced to imagine how ‘back to work’ is going to work.
I often hear moms grappling with whether they should just take a step back and be a stay-at-home mom for a few years, a privilege to be sure but not without its issues. There’s so much wrapped up in the transition back to work after maternity leave. You may not be ready to separate from your baby. You may still be healing and adjusting to emotional and physical changes after birth. You may be feeling insecure because you don’t feel quite like yourself yet; you’re sleep deprived, you’re not thinking clearly, you’re worried that people will view you differently at the office, and you’re feeling overwhelmed about how you’re going to make it all happen day to day.
1 in 3 women are considering leaving the workforce at the moment. The pandemic has really been shining a light on how society values (or in this case, doesn’t value) care. Maternity leaves are short, childcare costs are through the roof and now with more offices returning to a less flexible work schedule, mothers faced with the gauntlet of figuring it all out are questioning whether a return to work is feasible.
If any of this resonates, you are not alone! Sociologist Caitlyn Collins suggests that this lack of support for mothers who work for pay originates from a cultural understanding of what it means to be an ideal worker and mother. The ideal worker model is based on a 1960s breadwinner/homemaker model dating back to the industrial revolution. When women entered the workforce, they had to emulate the ideal worker (white guy with a wife at home). But if women wanted to work, they had to manage childcare and the home on their own. Our government did not create supports for working families (a topic for another article). So is it any wonder women are feeling overwhelmed!?
All of that is to say, this transition is difficult; emotionally and logistically. For those women who want or need to return to work, here are four tips for managing the transition:
1. Remember that this season is hard, but it’s temporary. There’s no question that the first year (or two) with a baby is harrowing. But as you develop systems and routines and as you grow in confidence it does get easier.
2. Prioritizing what makes you happy or what you want your life to look like can go a long way toward helping you feel less despondent. So think about what you get out of work in terms of identity/satisfaction/security. Journal about it to give yourself something to hang onto when you are thinking it’s not worth it. No matter what you choose, there will be tradeoffs. So getting clear on the costs and benefits of both continuing to work and staying at home can help you find clarity.
3. Put a date in your calendar for three months from now to see if you still feel the same way. Your life is an upheaval at the moment, and you might feel differently once you settle into routines.
4. Find a group of other moms grappling with this transition to find solidarity, validation, and solutions. Whether it’s:
a. issues around childcare
b. managing reentry with your manager and team
c. setting and holding boundaries
d. managing the increased workload at home
e. avoiding burnout and resentment
f. protecting space for yourself
you will no doubt find other moms trying to figure it out. Maternity leave is such an isolating time, that it can feel like you are the only one struggling. Having run groups like this for years, I am here to tell you that these are almost universal issues. And sometimes just hearing that another mom is struggling too can make you feel seen – this is HARD WORK! And in all likelihood, she has come up with a strategy for dealing with it that you hadn’t thought of and vice versa.
Ultimately whether you decide to return to work or stay home is such a personal decision. For some, that decision can feel forced upon them by a lack of support. Hopefully these tips will help you feel more in control.
Join The Parent Collective’s working moms group on zoom if you would like support and community.
Jessica Hill is a Professional Certified Motherhood Coach, Fair Play Facilitator and Founder of The Parent Collective. The Parent Collective provides education, community and coaching for parents — from pregnancy to preschool.